Monday, September 19, 2011

Fake Smile

I've heard someone said, "Everyday may not be good, but there's something good in everyday."

It may be said that today is my unlucky day. I upset at office when someone jokingly hide my motor key. When I finished my work I was at parking lot to drive home. And when looking for it, I got lil surprise when finding the key is not in my bag. Frankly, I have many trouble lately and I (wrongly) keep dwelling on it. Whereas I am usually able to keep smiling when I'm down, when my heart's breaking, even when I don't wanna smile. But now It's hard to do for me. The result I'm bad mood all day. So when something bad happen to me I'm suddenly mad and sometimes crying. (Damn, I did it!)

Whatever happen good or bad, I just wanna be a girl who can be stay calm, smile, and out of troubling thought. I'm kind of person who can't show fake smile. I don't like to pretend. If I'm smiling, even my heart is breaking, that's genuine smile. Because I am in strong defense not to show out my real feeling. But when I'm grim and get weak defense, I just upset my way. Then I regret it.

Controlling and organizing emotion is harder than baby sitting children. I'm 18 and I have good willing to be more calm and grow up. Diffuse my negative feelings by generating positive one. It's easy to write and say but hard to do. But I'll try. I'll keep trying on it.

Bismillah =)

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