Friday, May 8, 2015

Contemplating

Just want to write this while waiting for the May 9th come. There's nothing too special on the date actually, it's 'only' my 22nd birthday. Here I'm now sitting on the bed keep thinking about the time I have gone through. It's like yesterday that I was a little girl, starting to go to elementary school in the age of 5 not using the uniform like the others, then I grew up with lack of confidence in the junior high school but turned into 180 degree when I was in senior high school. 

After graduated, I ran four amazing years and started to learn more about responsibility, hard work, and self actuating. One of my big achievement was hitting Deutschland about more than a month ago and it's also just like Yesterday I slept with Mom at home before I was heading here. I've been learning a lot of things through the process. But the most wonderful thing, I can say it's kind of the best spiritual journey. You know, thousand miles away from home, far from family, who else the one that I can lean on? God. Yes. 

It seems so deep but I love the way God 'hug' me the way He is. Leaving hometown to find things that I look for is honestly tiring yet amazing. Once I feel alone, homesick, bad feeling, everything makes my mood goes down, all I can do is running to find shelter. I do and really don't want to miss what God mandates, simply just to be thankful for what I enjoy so far.

Lately I keen on peace and always try to let this feeling pour my soul everyday. It's definitely hard to maintain this kind of the best feeling. But I can make it myself by doing things that make me close to The One, when I just let the world things just in my hand, not in my mind, nor my heart. As I realize something that what I own is exactly not fully mine including the time. I'm honestly afraid because May 9th is like an alarm reminds me that my time and opportunity to live in the world is getting decreased. 

I have to sum up that I need to keep doing good things vertically and horizontally and consistently. That is the way to make peace in my heart always exist. Long and forever. Happy birthday to me and happy giving birthday to my Mom! :)

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